In from the Storm
by poxelda
Summary: Mac turns to Jack to help him deal with his past. This is a one shot emotional whumpfest.


_I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night. -Khalid Hosseini, The Kite Runner_

The storm outside blasted against the window making the entire room rattle. Jack absently flipped through the channels checking his watch for the thousandth time. He huffed and glanced at his phone-nothing. Jack glanced out the window at the dark trees raked back and forth by savage winds then lit up like black lace by lightening. The phone lit up, Jack had it against his ear before it rang.

"Mac?"

"No, it's Bozer, any word yet?"

"Matty said he said he'd be back tonight, you haven't seen him?"

"No, Riley couldn't find him at LAX either."

"His plane may not have landed yet?" Jack closed his eyes hoping that was the only reason no one had heard from his partner. Jack had been standing beside Mac when the younger man took the call. His face went from normal Mac into stone. His eyes, Jack ran his hand through his hair scowling, Mac had looked at him with a cloud of pain vanishing into a cement wall of hatred. He'd left to take the call, and vanished. Matty called when she knew the rest of the team would be freaking out, she'd told them that Mac had asked for two days of personal time but didn't give a reason. When pressed he admitted he had to go out of time for a 'family' issue. Family issue? What the hell kind of family issue could Mac have? Jack shook his head and forced himself to focus on Bozer.

"...maybe he got caught up in the storm." Bozer said. Jack could tell by his tone that Bozer was reaching at straws too. Jack glanced outside and jumped up. He thought he saw someone standing on his door step.

"Boze, I gotta go, I'll call ya back if I hear anything." Jack disconnected and leaped across the living room to the front door. He blinked against the scrubbing rain that lashed into his face. Mac stood with his hand raised to knock. Mac's face looked frozen in surprise.

"Mac!" Jack exclaimed reaching out to drag his partner inside. Mac stepped back and half turned as if he were going to walk away. "Oh no you don't!" Jack growled stepping out, grabbing two fists full of leather jacket and stepping back through the door. Mac stumbled forward a couple steps. Jack kicked the door shut and put his back against it wiping away the dripping water from his face. Mac pushed his soggy hair out of his face and stood with his back to Jack looking around the room as if he'd never seen it before. "Mac, hey?" Jack stepped forward. Mac whirled facing him and backed away. Jack blinked and stepped back. Mac's eyes kept darting, looking for a way out, Jack realized. Mac looked at him and opened his mouth. Jack couldn't tell if he was going to scream, cry, or have a complete meltdown. Mac's body was taunt, vibrating, his hands in fists, his arms locked at his side, his back ramrod straight.

"I...I'm...uh...sorry, I shouldn't...I need...I have to go." Mac mumbled softly as he tried to side step Jack and leave the door. Jack's heart was pounding with worry. Jack blocked the blond's path and held up a hand. To his shock Mac bolted back two long strides, eyes wide with panic. "No, don't touch me!" Mac barked, his voice held a cold hatred Jack had never thought the kid could be capable of. Mac began to pant and back away. Jack took a small step forward.

"Ok, Mac. Let's take this one step at a time. Come on in and get warmed up. I have to call Bozer and Riley, we were all worried-" Mac put hands on either side of his head as if trying to keep his head from splitting apart.

'NO, no this isn't...this isn't right...I...I shouldn't be here. I have to go." Mac shoved Jack aside and bolted for the door. Jack kept his footing and held onto Mac's upper arms. "No, don't...I...I can't...don't…" Mac's voice trailed off. His head and shoulders dropped and he melted to his knees staring into space, his mouth trying to make words. Jack's worry spiked into outright fear. He knelt in front of Mac and reached out to pull the blond bangs away from Mac's wet face. Mac flinched and kept his eyes down as if he was too ashamed to meet Jack's gaze.

"Mac?" Jack started softly. Mac gave no response only sagged, going completely limp with eyes closed. Jack shook his head and bent, grabbing the blond by the front of his jacket and rolled him across Jack's shoulders. Jack laid him out on the sofa closest to the snapping fire. Jack grunted as he managed to strip Mac out of his wet clothes. He pulled out an afghan his sisters oldest had knitted for him, then went into the hall closet to pull out more blankets and a pillow.

Jack sighed and pushed Mac's hair back from his face. The kid was pale, his skin almost translucent and cool to the touch. Jack retrieved his phone and called Bozer who promised to alert the others. Jack knelt and put another log in the fireplace, stoking the fire hotter with a steel poker. Jack knelt their staring into the flames hypnotized for a long minute. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath lettiing it out slowly as rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Jack glanced over to Mac and almost fell over when his eyes met the baby blues of his partner. Mac blinked and studied Jack. Jack turned and sat cross legged on the floor facing Mac.

"So, how was your day?" Mac said softly. Jack knew it was his partner's attempt at a joke, but neither one of them laughed.

"Kinda shitty actually, you know wondering what the hell was going on with my partner?" Jack said, unable to keep his irritation out of his voice. Mac nodded and went to sit up, looking down surprised to find himself naked except for the pile of the blankets wrapped around him. He pulled them closer and turned his head scanning the room for them.

"I'm sorry, Jack." He said simply, glancing at Jack then away quickly. Mac stood up pulling the blankets up so he could walk in them. Jack was on his feet in a second.

"Hey, stop now. You aren't going to go running off just like that. Talk to me, man." He grabbed Mac's arm. Mac stared at his hand for a long second then followed the limb to Jack's face. Mac's eyes moistened. The younger man's eyes fell to the floor. He took a deep breath and jumped as thunder crashed. Mac gazed out the window at the storm and sighed. He sat back down and stared into the fire.

"I need your help." Mac mumbled. Jack sat down, crosslegged again.

"Ok?" For a long time, Mac watched the fire. The flickering light and shadows danced along Mac's face making his skin look like weathered marble. He closed his eyes and sat back pulling his knees to his chest. He turned to face Jack. Jack waited knowing Mac was trying to find a way to sort out what has him feeling so overwhelmed.

"Have you ever hated someone?" Mac asked his voice barely audible. Jack's eyes widened in surprise.

"I don't know, I've killed a lot of people I wasn't too fond of…" Mac leaned forward grabbing Jack's forearm with a shaking hand.

"No, I mean hate...like…" Mac sat back and glared at the fire. "...like a person could make you physically sick?" The intensity of Mac's blue eyes made Jack turn to look in the fire. He thought about his answer.

"I don't know." Jack finally admitted. Mac sighed and rubbed his forehead. Jack looked up at him.

"Mac, what's going on?" Mac stared into the fire and pulled the blankets closer around him as if he was trying to hide inside a shell. "Mac? What happened? Where did you go?" Mac's hand poked out and he began to absently pull at the yarn in the afghan

"The year after my mom died, " Mac's voice choked. Mac cleared his throat then continued speaking his voice taut as piano wire. "I was sent to live with my Aunt Daphne and her family."

"I didn't know you have an aunt?" Jack blurted. Mac gave him an icy glare.

"I don't." The frigid chill in the younger man's voice left no doubt who Mac thought he hated. Mac stared into the fire. His clenching jaw looked like he was trying to chew rotten meat. "Daphne had two sets of twins, boys about my age and girls a little younger, I think they were three when I lived with them. Austin, Daphne's husband, was never home." Jack saw a flicker of rage that melted into the coldness of his eyes. Alot of anger to go around, Jack thought. He had a million questions, but bit them back forcing himself to be patient.

"The girls died that summer. One of the twins died that fall."

"What?" Jack's eyes were saucers. Mac glanced at him his mouth quirking up on one edge.

"Yeah, everyone was blown away, quite the tragedy, poor Daphne…" Jack flinched at the sarcastic brutality in Mac's voice. Jack waited by Mac had drifted far away as he stared into the fire.

"How did they die?" Jack prompted.

"They were murdered." Mac's voice was monotonal, his face expressionless, his eyes empty. Jack's mouth hung agape.

"How? Who?"

"You ever hear about Manchousen by Proxy?" Mac asked tipping his head and studying Jack. Jack shook his head. "It's a psychiatric disorder where a parent, usually a mother, makes her kids sick for attention." Mac spit out the words, acid bitterness in every syllable.

"Your aunt had this Mickey-mouse- chasm or whatever?" Mac huffed but for once didn't correct Jack's mistake.

"That's what they said at her trial." Mac felt himself float into the fire, back in memory…

 _Angus sat on the seat whirling it back and forth. It was like a captain's chair. The fat man with glasses and black robes glared at him. Angus gulped and straightened in the chair. He looked out at the twelve people sitting behind the wood fence. The lady in front smiled at him as she swivelled her own chair back and forth. Angus smiled shyly back. Aunt Daphne wearing all black sat watching him with sad eyes. Angus's heart beat faster. He knew that look. That was the look she'd have on when they went to the hospital again and again before the twins died. Angus sighed. Why does everyone have to die? The twins weren't very much fun to play with but they were ok, for girls. And mama? Angus sniffed and told himself he wouldn't cry, he'd be a big boy like he promised daddy. Angus looked at the angry man in the table diagonal from him then dropped his eyes. His daddy could protect him from the angry shouty man, but daddy wasn't here. David and Lance sat behind their mom. Their faces were paper white. Angus offered them a secret smile, but they didn't see it. They looked like they were going to puke, that was way worse than cryiing._

" _Has your Aunt ever hit you?" The shouty man asked. Angus tried to speak but only a whimper came out. "Did your Aunt ever hit you?" The man asked slower. Angus shook his head. He didn't think she did anyway. "Did she ever hit Belinda or Sara?" Angus shook his head. Other questions came, Angus answered them as best as he could. Angus cringed when he saw the look on Aunt Daphne's face when he began to say yes to some of the questions. "Did you ever see your Aunt feed the girls salt or tobasco sauce?" Angus didn't have any spit. He looked down at his hands which twitched on his lap. He wished he was with David and Lance launching the rubberband propelled plane they'd made. "Did you ever see your Aunt feed the girls salt or tobasco sauce?" The shouty man asked again. Aunt Daphne was giving him a nasty stink eye. Angus knew she wanted him to lie for her, but he knew lying was wrong. Daddy why aren't you here? Angus took a deep breath and nodded._

"Jeezus, Mac! What happened?" Mac snorted and ran a hand through his hair which was almost dry. The windows again rattled causing both men to jump.

"They actually found her not guilty."

"What? How?"

"Not a lot was known about Manchousen back then I guess? I don't know." Mac shifted pulling his feet up beside him. For a long minute there were no sounds except the howling storm and crinkling warm fire. Mac sighed. "If she'd been put in jail, David would never have died." Mac said softly. Jack frowned at the depth of grief in his partner's voice.

"You miss him." Jack offered. Mac smiled sadly.

"I miss both of them, David and Lance." Jack blinked confused.

"Lance is dead too?" Mac nodded and nibbled at his thumbnail. "That's where I was, his funeral."

"Why didn't they take Lance after David died?" Mac threw himself up and began to pace. Jack moved up to sit on the couch.

 _Angus was scared to go home with Aunt Daphne after they left the busy place. Daphne held both twins hands stopping to talk to cameras and people shoving microphones at them. Angus scuffled slowly behind them. David and Lance would glance over their shoulders at him with desperate fear. Angus wondered what they had said when they answered the shouty man. Mac gave both of the twins secret smiles and they sent him theirs. It made Angus feel a little braver. At least there were three of them. Daphne knelt and hugged the boys grinning for the camera. Angus thought that was weird. She never hugged them. Most of the time she ignored them or yelled at them. Angus wished he could take David and Lance home to live with him, daddy and mommy...but mommy...Angus felt tears and snot break free. He began to sob. The people made AWWW noises, Daphne wrapped him in a hug. Angus stood stiff surprised out of his crying. She smelled of alcohol and Hall's. She made COOCOO noises until she leaned in close. Then she whispered in his ear, 'you'll pay for this the rest of the summer.'_

"What the hell, Mac?" Jack roared standing up and pacing in front of the fire. "What did the bitch do?" Mac shrugged and went over to the recliner curling into it with his feet underneath him. He rubbed his eyes. Jack frowned. Mac looked tired, spent. He was about to suggest they get some rest when Mac kept talking in a soft monotone.

 _Angus begged daddy to let him come home, or let him stay with gramps. Daddy said he couldn't come home yet because he had to 'take care of things first.' Angus figured they must be important things and didn't want to make his daddy any sadder so Angus didn't ask anymore. Daphne never yelled again, she only moved around the house like a ghost waiting, watching. Anything any of the three boys did would send them down to the basement. Angus hated the basement. It was completly dark and had huge spiders and smelled like mold. Whoever was in trouble would have to sleep down there with a scratchy blanket and take their medicine. The medicine tasted bad and burned his tummy so Angus always pretended to drink it then spit it up after. David ended up in the basement the most, then came the trips to the hospital again just like with the girls. Angus knew this was wrong, he tried to tell daddy, but daddy talked to David and Lance and they lied. Then Daphne told daddy what a terrible liar Angus was. Angus cried a lot after that. How could daddy not believe him? Then just before the twins were going to start school David got really sick coughing up blood and turning blue. The ambulance came and the police came. Angus held Lance's hand. Lance was crying so Angus had to be the big boy this time. Daphne was put in the back of the police car. Lance and Angus were put in the back of another one. Lance was afraid they were going to jail. Angus told him there was no way they were 'cuz they didn't do anything wrong, but in his secret heart Angus was scared too. What if Daphne lied again?_

"So she did go to jail?" Mac scoffed.

"No, Jack, she got off again. I guess Lance testified that she was only trying to save David." Mac shrugged and yawned. "I was brought home that weekend, Lance went back to live with her." Mac's eyes stared off out the window watching the rapid fire explosions of lightening and answering bangs of thunder. It matched the war raging inside him. Jack sensed this.

"Seems to me that there's a good reason to hate her." Mac sighed and looked at Jack with moist eyes.

"I don't want to hate her, I don't want to hate anyone…"

"Mac, sometimes you can't help the way you feel about someone, even if it's hate." Jack paused and sat down on the couch closest to Mac and studied the younger man. With the backlighting of the storm and warm yellow of the flames, Mac looked like a tired elderly man. They were quiet a long minute. Mac met Jack's dark eyes.

"I know she was sick, but…" Mac shook his head and shifted hanging his knees over the arm of the chair. "Jack, I don't know how to get past this, how to let it go...It's driving me insane, more than Murdoc ever did." Mac rubbed his face. Jack leaned forward thoughtful.

"So what happened this weekend?"

"Lance lived with Daphne all through high school then went off to college. He met a girl, Linda." Mac smiled. "They seemed great together, but their sophmore year Aunt Daphne called Lance to come home because she was deathly ill."

"Let me guess, played the guilt game."

"Yeah, and broke up Lance and Linda. Lance never went back to school and could never seem to get rid of his mom." Tears started leaking from Mac's eyes. When Mac didn't wipe them away, Jack wondered if the younger man even realized he was crying. Jack felt his heart break for the kid.

"What happened this weekend?" Jack asked his voice soft and kind.

 _The team decided to go see Wonder Woman, but Bozer was having a hard time finding a current showing. Mac walked behind the others shaking his head and laughing. Riley and Jack were debating if Wonder Woman was awesome because she was a strong woman role model whose movie had put a big crack in the glass ceiling-Riley's perspective. Or because she was hot and kicked serious ass. Jack turned to ask Mac when the blond was saved by the phone. Mac frowned not recognizing the number. He answered. The voice, that voice…_

 _"Angus, it's Daphne…" Mac missed most of what she said. His heart pounded, his body felt stiff like it was coated in cement. Mac was barely aware of the others stopping to look at him, Jack asking him what was wrong._

 _"What do you want?" Mac's teeth almost hurt as he forced himself to speak. His team mates froze gazing at each other. Mac guessed it was hard to keep cold hatred out of your voice when you're surprised._

 _"Angus, darling-"_

 _"Tell me or we're done."_

 _"Lance died." Mac felt something inside him crack._

 _"Did you do it?"_

 _"What, darling, I never-"_

 _"Did. You. Do. It? Mac was sure the phone would break in his hand._

 _"No, I didn't...I need you, we need you, you're our only family-" Mac closed his eyes._

 _"Send the details."_

 _"Oh, darling…" Mac hung up on her and had to fight from throwing the phone into the wall. Mac looked up into the startled expressions of his friends. Jack went to touch him, Mac knew he couldn't...handle any kindness right now. He side stepped and strode down the hall out into the clear night. The night blurred, Mac grabbed his spare go bag and sped to LAX. Mac didn't remember the drive or the flight. Mac pulled up in front of the small run down cottage style house close to the road in a typical suburbian neighborhood. Mac stared at the house ghosts moving through his memory. He shook his head, the few good memories covered by the black bile of the bad ones. Mac forced his game face on as he strolled up to the door. He knocked. His balding round uncle answered the door and grinned._

 _"Thank you so much for coming!" Austin boomed wrapping Mac in a hug. Mac stiffened. After a minute, Austin realized Mac's coldness. The man stepped back. Mac stared at him. He wondered if his father looked like his brother? "Angus…"_

 _"Did she kill him too?" Mac blurted. Austin's blue eyes widened with surprise then hurt. The older man looked down not meeting Mac's glare. Mac nodded._

 _"That's what I thought." Mac snarled pushing past him into the house. Now his uncle found his anger._

 _"You have no idea what we've been through." The man bellowed. Mac paused at the doorway and smiled back at him, his stomach rolling._

 _"That's ironic, coming from you." Mac muttered. He entered the kitchen and crossed to the livingroom. Daphne sat like Marie Antoinette on the setee while other crying women fauned around her, offereing support and consolation. Daphne dabbed at tears. She looked up and for a second Mac saw the same look she'd thrown him that day in court. Then it was gone and she stood sweeping him up in a theatrical hug. Mac wrinkled his nose in disgust. That was the second he knew he hated her. Down to the bone, would love to see her dead, nauseating hatred. The cold fire seemed to burn through every bone. He fought not to strangle her lying throat as she pulled back and graciously introduced him to the other women._

 _"Our Angus is a genius, he works in a government think tank, we are so proud of him." Mac turned and studied her. It all snapped clear. Mac began laughing. The others looked at him clearly scandalized._

 _"Lance isn't even buried yet and you're already looking for your next victim aren't you?" Mac's voice turned into a tight snarl. Daphne's eyes widened then darted around the room as if trying to gauge how this outburst was effecting her audience._

 _"Darling, I know you don't mean that, you're upset…" Rage roiled through Mac, he turned to the other women._

 _"Did you know she killed all of her other kids?" Austin came in and grabbed the smaller man by the arm pulling him back out the door. Mac laughed louder._

 _"Now you care? Now, after all your kids have been murdered by YOUR WIFE?" The next thing Mac knew he hit the ground outside the door. He looked up at the spotted night sky and blinked as the first drops of a storm spit on him. Mac sat up shaking with rage. His eyes fell on his aunt and uncle's cars. Mac smiled and pulled out his swiss army knife._

"You didn't?" Jack asked his jaw hanging. Mac rubbed his face and nodded. "You blew up their cars? Did they call the cops?"

"Yeah, and I sort of took out the garage too." Mac sighed standing up to pace again. He knelt in front of the fire. Holding the blankets up with one hand he stabbed the half burnt logs with the poker. Jack winced at the focus and anger on his partner's face as he murdered the wood. Jack crossed and took the poker away from Mac and guided the blond to the couch.

"So what happened at the funeral?"

"I didn't go."

"Why not?" Mac glanced at him looking a bit sheepish.

"The police sort of wanted to question me about the fire." Jack stared at the kid then burst out laughing. Mac's mouth quirked into a reluctant smile. Jack sobered. "Does Matty know?" Mac swallowed and shook his head. Jack leaned back rubbing his hair. "That's going to be a fun conversation."

"No kidding." Mac said around another yawn. He stared at the fire. Jack was glad the younger man was calmer.

"So when did you get back?" Mac frowned doing some mental math.

"Yesterday morning, I think." He said softly yawning again. Jack straightened.

"What have you been doing since then?" Mac shrugged.

"Walking."

"Walking? For almost two days?" Mac blinked at him.

"I don't think it was that long."

"Whatever, where's your car?"

"LAX."

"You walked here from LAX?" Mac rubbed his eyes and nodded yawning again. Jack stared at his partner. That explains why he looked so shell-shocked when he got there.

"When was the last time you ate or slept?" Mac blinked and shrugged. Jack stood up looking at the ceiling huffing in exasperation.

"I swear kid…" Jack broke off mumbling as he went into the kitchen to fix a sandwich. Mac smiled after him then layed out on the couch. He sighed his body warmed by blankets, the fire and being sheltered from the storm. His heart was warmed by a brother who listened without judging. Mac's eyes drifted close. Jack came back a moment later and sighed seeing the blond relaxed enough to sleep. Jack placed the sandwich in the fridge for tomorrow then returned to the living room. As he watched Mac sleep he pondered everything the kid had told him. Jack sat back and watched the storm slowly blow itself out. He thought about what he would tell the kid in the morning.

Mac didn't wake up until almost noon. He got up showered and changed into clothes he always kept at Jack's. The trees outside were damp but seemed to be exploding with green and more alive after last night's storm. The fire had burnt down to only a few glowing embers. Mac strolled into the kitchen and found the sanwich laid out for him and Jack making coffee. Jack smiled as he handed his partner the cup.

"Extra cream, extra sugar." Jack said. Mac raised an eyebrow.

"My extra or your extra?" Mac challenged. Jack laughed but didn't answer sitting across from Mac as the younger man munched on his sandwich.

"You know, Mac. I was thinking of what you asked me last night." Mac looked at him and nodded. "I think it's like a bad storm."

"I can't wait to hear this." Mac chuckled.

"Hey now, I've been up all night thinking about this." Mac looked down and nodded contrite. "When a storm starts there's only a few drops, easy to ignore right? Then things get darker and darker, the clouds get all thick and black, ya know? If you're on a boat or something the waves become dangerous and keep trying to suck you under."

"Suck me under?" Mac asked amusement in his eyes. Jack huffed and kept going.

"Anyway, soon the storm is this huge hurricane or tsunami coming at ya. You have no way to get out of its way and you think you're going to die."

"Okay."

"That's what hate is. It's this huge thing that looks huge and dangerous and...well huge! I mean like a HUGE…"

"I got it Jack."

"Anyway, so then you're stuck walking in the storm you kinda lose yourself, ya know what I mean?"

"I think so."

"The thing is Mac, no storm-no matter how big, how destructive or whatever keeps going forever...first there'll be a little less rain here, then the winds will die down there, then the clouds break up and before you know it, sunny day!" Mac squinted over his coffee cup at his partner trying to wind through Jack's metaphor.

"So you're saying this hatred, rage I have will disappear by itself?"

"Not exactly. See I think as you go along, you'll find out that something will bother you less or you can let go of some anger here and there, eventually you'll get tired of holding onto the rest of it and you'll open your hand-sunny day." Jack finished his coffee and neatened up the kitchen letting Mac process what he said.

"Jack." Mac said softly. Jack turned around surprised to find himself in a tight hug. Jack smiled and hugged back letting Mac decide when to break free. Mac rubbed at a tearr as he turned away. He paused and looked at his partner.

"Thanks for bringing me in from the storm, partner." Mac whispered. Jack patted him on the shoulder.

"Anytime, brother. Anytime."


End file.
